


Making Amends

by rosied



Series: The Touch Of Winter's Rebirth [4]
Category: Top Gear (UK) RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied James May/Richard Hammond, International Fanworks Day 2016, M/M, Post-Fracas, alien!Stig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 22:07:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6027087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosied/pseuds/rosied
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the 'fracas', explanations are due - but has Jeremy left it too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Making Amends

Jeremy hung up the phone with the sound of the tag-team bollocking James and Richard had just delivered from their country hideout ringing in his ears. He had to admit that his friends had a point – ever since the day the BBC had decided not to renew his Top Gear contract, he'd been sitting in his flat in a state of self-pity, brooding about the way he'd managed to bring his life and those of his closest friends crashing down around their ears. Yet he'd ignored... no, make that been too terrified to think about... the most important aspect of his life.

James and Rich were right - he couldn't put it off any longer.

He peeked out of the window at the paparazzi and their cars - diesel, every one of them. He'd have absolutely no trouble outrunning them. He went down to the garage, got into the new Mercedes that he'd ignored since taking delivery and departed at speed, smiling grimly to himself as the paps scattered and ran for their cars.

The drive was uneventful; once he'd got out of Guildford and onto the A281, he considered how to proceed when he got to Dunsfold. He didn't dare try to go into the aerodrome in case security turned him away. In the end he parked outside the fence as close as he could get to the Portakabin. He went over to the fence and wondered what to do next.

The problem was solved for him when the Stig came out of the Portakabin and walked towards him. When he got to the fence he stopped, folded his arms and looked at Jeremy.

Jeremy looked back, lost for words for a moment. Then he swallowed, and said quietly, “I've really screwed up, haven't I? I'm so sorry, Stiggy, for everything.”

Stig stepped forward and placed his palm against the mesh of the fence. Jeremy mirrored the gesture, so that their palms were touching.

Instantly a wave of feelings slammed into his mind, without any of the Stig's usual delicacy. Anger, hurt, loneliness and abandonment, with an overall feeling that translated all too well as “ **WHY??** ” Then just as suddenly there was nothing. It was as though an impenetrable barrier had formed between Stig's mind and Jeremy's.

“No! Wait!” Jeremy begged. “Let me explain.” Unsure whether Stig was willing to listen to his mind-voice, he carried on speaking. “This last year has been absolutely horrible - it seemed like every time I opened my mouth I said something wrong! I mean, it was a total coincidence that the Burmese guy was walking across the bridge when I was talking about the slope, but I honestly thought people would see the funny side. Then there was the 'eeny-meeny' thing, I knew that was stupid as soon as I realised what I was about to say... but we used that rhyme all the time when I was a kid and no-one thought anything of it! And I wanted that footage destroyed, but someone leaked it... I'd thought we were all family on the show, what a fool I was! And in the middle of all that, Mum died. It hurt so much, but I felt I had to carry on - Top Gear needed me, so I just threw myself into it harder than ever. And all the time I was drinking more and more, it seemed to be the only thing to kill the pain and just stop THINKING for a while – it was like my brain was just on overdrive and wouldn't shut up! And then there was Patagonia... God, I don't think I've ever been so scared in my life, it was worse than Alabama! So yeah, even more drinking to try and stop the nightmares... But I managed to get through even that, and get on with the filming for the rest of the season. And then, two days before... you know... the doctor told me I probably had cancer and I should get it checked out right away, but we were in the middle of filming so I just tried to put it out of my head, carried on with the filming and drowned my sorrows in drink that night even more than usual. I didn't want to tell anyone until I knew for certain... not even you, I didn't want to worry you. I guess that was the last straw. I'd bottled everything up for so long that I was ready to blow. It could have been anything - Ois was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.” Jeremy sighed and shook his head. “It was almost as if I was trying to sabotage myself, ruin everything that was good in my life - and I've succeeded all too well!”

“I should have come to talk to you sooner... in fact, I should have talked to you about everything when it was happening, and not been all silent and manly... but that's so hard for me, you know, with the way I was brought up.... no, how would you know, I never told you...” Jeremy had been trying not to cry during his explanation, but despite his efforts, the tears had started rolling down his cheeks. “It wasn't that I didn't want to come to you, you know – I wanted to so much, but I couldn't... I suppose I was punishing myself again... and instead I've ended up hurting you. You've always accepted and loved me no matter what I do, and I felt like I didn't deserve it. I was sure sooner or later you'd come to your senses and leave me. I wouldn't blame you if you did - I've probably made it happen with the way I've treated you.

“I know I don't deserve your forgiveness. All I can say is I'm truly sorry, and I've learned my lesson, and if you'll give me another chance, I promise I'll never shut you out again.” Jeremy closed his eyes and leaned his head against the fence, hoping against hope that Stig wouldn't leave him.

There was silence for a few minutes, then as suddenly as it had closed, Stig's mind was open to him again. Feelings of exasperation, chiding, amusement, acceptance and love reached him... and a decision was made.

Jeremy felt Stig's palm separate from his. His eyes snapped open and he looked around wildly, only to find Stig standing beside him, arms folded, looking at the Mercedes.

“How did you get here? What are you doing?”

Stig turned to Jeremy, took his hand, and led him towards the Mercedes. When they reached the car, he pushed Jeremy gently but firmly towards the passenger door, then got into the driver's seat.

“Oh, so that's how it's going to be, is it?” Jeremy smiled as he got into the passenger seat, and let himself be driven into a future that had just begun to look much brighter.


End file.
